Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
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