he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
Randomize
