oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
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