I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
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