Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Randomize
