everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
Randomize
