Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
Randomize
