If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
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