The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
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