U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
I have grass duct taped all over my body
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
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