making cat noises will not fix the situation.
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
Randomize
