I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
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