She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
Randomize
