Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
Randomize
