She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
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