I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
Randomize
