i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
Randomize
