I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
I booty called her while she was in labor.
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
