Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
Sorry about my life...
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
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