I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
