i was born a porn star she said
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
Randomize
