Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
Randomize
