god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
Randomize
