imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
Randomize
