I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
Randomize
