I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
Randomize
