The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
I don't think brook has ever known best
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
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