I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
Randomize
