Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Randomize
