and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
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