I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
Randomize
