ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
Randomize
