The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
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