He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
Randomize
