Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
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