4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
Randomize
