Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
there is puke in my bra ... again
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