I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
Randomize
