I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
Randomize
