ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
This is my gift to your gina
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
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