I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
Randomize
