She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
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