You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
Randomize
