My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
Randomize
