I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
i was born a porn star she said
Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize
