All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
