You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
My hand turned me down
You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
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