i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
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