it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
what is it with giant penises always finding me
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
Randomize
