I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
