she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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