True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
i may or may not be watching the land before time
if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
Randomize
