my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
Randomize
