The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Randomize
